THE BACKBONE OF OUR COMBAT WOUNDED WARRIORS
It starts with a phone call from a hospital far away.......usually
from Germany. The phone call that causes your world to change
forever in a moment. The only upside to this story is that it is
not the dreaded visit to your home by three men in uniform to inform
you of the death of your loved one. This is about the difficult
journey of the caregivers, whose service man or woman has been
injured in combat. They are parents, spouses, and siblings.
The injuries their loved ones have sustained while doing what they
are trained to do, in Iraq or Afghanistan. Over the last nine
years my visits to Bethesda Naval Hospital, now Walter Reed, have
given me a personal view of the sacrifices made, not only the
wounded, but their families. You've heard about it, you've read
about it, you've seen it on the news. Their world comes crashing
down while they hold the phone to their ear. Words cannot fully
describe the emotions that are played out in those minutes on the
phone.
Often the families must quickly arrange to fly to Germany to be at
their bedside while they pray their husband or son can be stabilized
for the flight to a hospital back home, usually Walter Reed or
Brooke Army Medical Center in Texas. Often that flight to Germany
is the very last time they see their loved one alive because their
injuries are so horrific that they die before they can be
transferred home. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and grief
these families go through during this time.
Caregivers arrive here either from Germany or from their home towns
with very little time to plan anything. Hasty airline tickets and
living quarters arrangements are made. In a matter of hours a
normal day at home becomes a living nightmare of confusion and
unknowns. No time to think about what to pack.......just throw a
suitcase together and off they go. They often arrive here in winter
with no proper clothes, and certainly no clue how long they will be
here. Jobs are left indefinitely, siblings left with relatives,
life is altered with many questions and no answers. Incomes are
lost and often jobs are lost due to the length of time required to
be here.
Suddenly they are thrust into a life in a hospital room. Some more
critical than others. Some revolve around an ICU unit for days or
weeks. Most are not as critical, so their inpatient hospital room
becomes the new home for everyone. This is where it is so crucial
that family are there at the bedside all day and into the night. To
be the eyes and ears for the patient.......to watch, listen and
advocate for their loved one who is often in an induced coma. Now
the caregiver becomes the lifeline between the medical staff and the
wounded. Caregivers have literally saved lives by their presence
and that is a fact. Keeping track of medications, tests, and
appointments. This is the 'new normal' life of a caregiver. At
the end of each day they return to their 'hotel room' which is the
Navy Lodge on base or one of five Fisher Houses, built on military
hospital bases for this reason...to house the families while they
are here to assist in the recovery of their wounded warriors. That
hospital room could be home for days, weeks or months until the
wounded are transferred to another hospital closer to home or
transferred to the outpatient barracks on base. Some of these
families are literally parents and their other children...entire
families uprooted and now living in this small apartment.
All the while the caregivers are managing the care of their loved
ones and then helping them set up their new apartment in the
barracks. At Walter Reed it is building 62, Tranquility Hall.
Each apartment is a small two bedroom, two bath apartment with a
tiny living room and kitchen. One room for the injured and one for
the caregiver. These apartments come with the bare minimum. Four
sets of dishes and cutlery and very few appliances. No toaster, no
blender, no vacuum cleaner. When you take into consideration this
apartment will be 'home' for many months or even years, it is
impossible for anyone not in this situation to fathom how they
manage. But they do......because they are military families and
they are adept at improvising, adapting and overcoming. They get
their children enrolled in local schools or in daycare.
Once they have set up residence in their new apartment, now their
lives turn to assisting the injured who are more often than not in
wheelchairs to and from their appointments. I neglected to mention
that this new barracks is up a steep hill from the hospital where
the rehabilitation area is and all the doctors are. Frequently the
weather makes it very inconvenient.........ice and snow, driving
rain, freezing wind....and it is the caregiver who is there to make
the short trips possible.....often multiple times in one day.
Caregivers do the cooking, the laundry, the shopping (last year a
new exchange was built on base to make that task easier). They do
everything including attending the medical appointments. Their
lives revolve around those appointments....daily. Most of them
will need a vehicle as they build a new life in a new town. A car
so they can live some semblance of normalcy by shopping, getting out
to restaurants, movies, whatever.
The one beautiful blessing that I have witnessed through all of this
is the generosity of people who want to help better the lives of the
caregivers. One way or another the word gets out that there is a
need.....that these families who have moved from their hometowns and
their careers to an apartment with little to offer.....that their
lives could be much improved with little things like small
appliances, toys for their kids and such. As I wrote in my last
article at Christmas, there are hundreds of individuals and
nonprofit organizations who step up to the plate to supply their
needs and they do it by pulling out all the stops. Their
generosity knows no bounds. Caregivers are invited to dinners,
ladies spa days, weekends away from the base, all sorts of events to
give them some respite from their daily schedules.
From the moment they arrive here to take charge of the recovery of
their loved ones, they are the lifeline to that recovery. It takes
a strong backbone to be an advocate and a sharp mind, but beneath
all that is a love that is deeper than any well. Often while they
are here their houses back home are being modified to allow for
wheelchair accessibility along with many other alterations.
Together they get through this ordeal and together they will finally
go home, back to where they came from, to begin again.
For me and the myriad of friends who get to know these warriors
and their families we witness the journey from their arrival to
their departure. It is with joy and sadness that we bid them
goodbye. Friendships that have been forged in the most tumultuous
of times.....and memories.....from the days of critical care to the
days of independence for those warriors we have become so close to.
It is hard to say goodbye when the time comes, but our lives have
been forever impacted by these friendships that will last a
lifetime.
